Music: Orange Alert! -- Celine Dion Paroled From Vegas Holding Pen

Dion and mad scientist husband Angelil: Can he stop the terror? Does he want to?

Authorities report that there is a strong possibility that Celine Dion will wreak havoc upon the United States when the high powered laser grid that has kept her encased for several years at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas stands down on December 15th. Though the Canadian avian-bone syndrome suffering Celine is physically unimposing, her powerful voice can cause spontaneous ear, nose, and rectal bleeding within a 5-mile radius. Most experts have plotted her path as a 45-day swath of destruction from Boston to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. No word on whether father-figure husband/operator/fertile love seed ploughman Rene Angelil will follow laughing maniacally in her wake.