Film: Best Review EVER -- Old Guy Finds Decline of Everything in The Dark Knight

By Noah Mallin

Was it only last week that Christopher Nolan's latest batflick The Dark Knight was riding high at 100% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes? Well, the rest of the reviews are in and the bat has been knocked down to 92% -- hey wait, that's still pretty darn good. But Armond White of The New York Press is determined to blame the decline of western civilization, nay, the end of the universe as we know it, on Heath Ledger's last full performance. Seriously, his review says more about him than about the flick.

Choice bits? Coming right up:
"After announcing his new comics interpretation with 2005’s oppressively grim Batman Begins, Nolan continues the intellectual squalor popularized in his pseudo-existential hit Memento. Appealing to adolescent jadedness and boredom, Nolan revamps millionaire Bruce Wayne’s transformation into the crime-fighter Batman (played by indie-zombie Christian Bale), by making him a twisted icon, what the kids call 'sick.'"

Ah yes, the kids come in for quite a drubbing at the hands of White.

"Ever since Frank Miller’s 1986 graphic-novel reinvention, The Dark Knight Returns, pop consumers have rejected traditional moral verities as corny. That might be the ultimate capitalist deception.

A bleak Batman entraps us in a commercial mechanism, not art."

Holy commies Batman! Of course by crapping all over Batman Begins, Memento, The Dark Knight Returns and even There Will be Blood White actually overplays his hand and makes me want to see the freaking thing anyhow. Damn you capitalist lackeys!